Sarah talks with the beloved recovery writer about booze, men, body image, and the search for connection. Also: Is AA a cult? Is alcoholism a "disease"? And how the hell does a person change?
Yes, nice bit of Summer and Lightning there, too short though, should've played all of side three as they all go together! :D I had an awful feeling "One day at a time sweet Jesus" would be the outro, thank goodness not!
If Nancy’s recipes hadn’t moved this substack into the “always subscribe” category, this one would have!
I got into the passenger seat to sobriety one Labor Day (the first Monday in September here in the US) when I gave my partner of three years an ultimatum.
“You need to find a therapist and figure out what’s with your drinking. And you two decide what to do about it, because I refuse to take on the burden of telling you to stop drinking and/or making you stay sober. You have until January. After that I’m out!”
Well he did and they did. My partner stopped drinking. That turned out to be the easy part.
The hardest part was dealing with the extended circle of friends and colleagues who over a thirty year span had come to rely on my partner to be a dependable drinking companion. Some people assumed my partner’s sobriety was temporary or even illusory. Hints that he’d live it up when he traveled without me, as if only my iron grip kept him off the bottle. Or he’d tell someone he’d stopped drinking and they’d follow up by suggesting a beer tasting event. Stopping drinking for them meant kind of cutting back
Some ppl did accommodate my partner’s sobriety, making sure to have non-alcoholic beverages. But my partner found the conversation at these events excruciatingly boring when he was sober. He was disinclined to accept invitations. People got the hint. Our social life dried up. It still hasn’t recovered, maybe never will.
On the bright side, it was a kind of dress rehearsal for the pandemic. By the time covid rolled around, we had our music and movies and books. Moreover, after my partner got sober, we became intellectually and emotionally engaged in a way that I don’t believe is possible with one (or both) partner(s) drunk.
It’ll be 8 years this September and it’s still a process, for me as well as my partner. When an alcoholic stops drinking it’s not just him or her who has to shape a whole new life, but also his/her nearest and dearest. It can be a wild ride. Worth it.
I've only just gotten around to listening to this one, but just wanted to say thanks for this episode! I quit drinking two years ago, and I love hearing women having conversations like these. Very relatable!
This was so good. I'm a super fan of both and will read and listen to anything and everything by Laura and Sarah. As a GenX now-sober-female, I see myself in so many of their stories.
Great conversation, thank you
and you can play ELO (and the Hollies) as your outro every time
Yes, nice bit of Summer and Lightning there, too short though, should've played all of side three as they all go together! :D I had an awful feeling "One day at a time sweet Jesus" would be the outro, thank goodness not!
This was so good! Thank you both!
If Nancy’s recipes hadn’t moved this substack into the “always subscribe” category, this one would have!
I got into the passenger seat to sobriety one Labor Day (the first Monday in September here in the US) when I gave my partner of three years an ultimatum.
“You need to find a therapist and figure out what’s with your drinking. And you two decide what to do about it, because I refuse to take on the burden of telling you to stop drinking and/or making you stay sober. You have until January. After that I’m out!”
Well he did and they did. My partner stopped drinking. That turned out to be the easy part.
The hardest part was dealing with the extended circle of friends and colleagues who over a thirty year span had come to rely on my partner to be a dependable drinking companion. Some people assumed my partner’s sobriety was temporary or even illusory. Hints that he’d live it up when he traveled without me, as if only my iron grip kept him off the bottle. Or he’d tell someone he’d stopped drinking and they’d follow up by suggesting a beer tasting event. Stopping drinking for them meant kind of cutting back
Some ppl did accommodate my partner’s sobriety, making sure to have non-alcoholic beverages. But my partner found the conversation at these events excruciatingly boring when he was sober. He was disinclined to accept invitations. People got the hint. Our social life dried up. It still hasn’t recovered, maybe never will.
On the bright side, it was a kind of dress rehearsal for the pandemic. By the time covid rolled around, we had our music and movies and books. Moreover, after my partner got sober, we became intellectually and emotionally engaged in a way that I don’t believe is possible with one (or both) partner(s) drunk.
It’ll be 8 years this September and it’s still a process, for me as well as my partner. When an alcoholic stops drinking it’s not just him or her who has to shape a whole new life, but also his/her nearest and dearest. It can be a wild ride. Worth it.
Love everything about this.
I love you forever.
This was just excellent
Loved it
I've only just gotten around to listening to this one, but just wanted to say thanks for this episode! I quit drinking two years ago, and I love hearing women having conversations like these. Very relatable!
This was so good. I'm a super fan of both and will read and listen to anything and everything by Laura and Sarah. As a GenX now-sober-female, I see myself in so many of their stories.