by Sarah Hepola
There aren’t many taboos in an AA room. Stabbings, car crashes, suicide attempts, it’s all on the table. But people avoid one topic: Motherhood. A special vitriol is reserved for mothers who drink too much — which is odd, given that a special badge of coolness is reserved for mothers who drink just enough.
When Laura McKowen landed at her first AA meeting, she sobbed as she told strangers how she’d placed her daughter in danger one night. Afterward, a woman in the audience approached her. “I’m a mother too, and I want you to know, you can push off from here.”
Push Off From Here became the title of Laura’s second book, following her much-beloved 2020 memoir, We Are the Luckiest. Laura is a friend as well as an inspiration. In addition to her Substack LoveStory, she also runs an online community for folks who want to get ahold of their drinking, called The Luckiest Club.
Laura and I talk about the false binary of “alcoholism,” why 12-step programs might be the biggest pain in the ass to ever save you, whether “love addiction” is a thing, and if substance abuse problems are better understood as a disease or a disorder, or neither.
But we talk about more than booze: Chasing boys and attention, body-image issues, quieting inner demons. Laura’s book is fundamentally about change — how hard it is, but how worth the struggle. Her story is testimony to the quiet and profound choice of owning your own life.
Episode Notes:
Laura McKowen’s website: Great hair, tattoos, and sun flare.
We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life (Amazon)
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is a popular “quit lit” title.
When Sarah was a guest on Laura’s former podcast Home, many years ago:
Her co-host was the writer Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman.
“Q&A: Meet the ‘Mommy’ Behind MommyJuice Wines,” by Julia Ma (The Cut)
“Wine Didn’t Make Me a Better Mom,” by Kelley Manley (Marie Claire)
Laura talking with Megyn Kelly about Moms and drinking:
“Reimagine Your Relationship to Alcohol,” by Julia Bainbridge (NYT)
“Are You An Alcoholic?” by Sarah Hepola (BuzzFeed)
Laura is a good follow on Instagram.
Sarah moderated a book event with Laura in Austin:
“The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous,” by Gabrielle Glaser (The Atlantic)
“Understanding Alcohol Use Disorder,” National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
“The Conflicted History of Alcohol in Western Civilization,” by Bert L. Vallee (Scientific American)
Alcohol Consumption (Our World in Data):
“Is alcoholism a disease?” (Recovery Centers of America)
Counter-point! “Why alcoholism is not a disease,” abstract of a paper by N Heather (National Library of Medicine)
Alcoholics Anonymous website
“What it Means to be of Service to Others in Recovery” (Promises Behavioral Health)
“Sifting the damage of pandemic-era drinking,” by Alvin Powell (Harvard Gazette)
“Is the pandemic making us sober up?,” by Mary Elizabeth Williams (Salon)
Laura’s The Luckiest Club is a great online community for folks who want a better relationship with alcohol.
“What Mainstream Media Is Getting Wrong About the Sobriety ‘Trend’,” by Molly Ruggere (The Temper)
Sarah tried to quote Glengarry Glen Ross, but she botched it a bit. This is a classic scene, and Alec Baldwin is a beast:
“I have a lot of regrets about that,” first in a series of essays about friendship by Laura McKowen (LoveStory Substack)
“How I Knew I Needed to Quit Instagram,” by Laura McKowen (NYT)
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
Christie Tate is the author of the 2020 bestseller The Group and the new memoir, BFF
Laura McKowen and the Gift of Quiet Change